Southwest Flight Implicated in Liquor Store Robbery
Yesterday afternoon at around 4:00 PM Southwest Flight 210 was intercepted by the Texas Air National Guard and forced to land at Albuquerque International Airport. The flight originating in Lubbock Texas and scheduled to land in Las Vegas at 5:05 PM was intercepted northwest of Lubbock soon after takeoff by two vigilant Air National Guardsmen flying an F-16 Falcon.
The two guardsmen had been listening to a police scanner that alerted them to a liquor store robbery in southeast Lubbock at around 3:30 PM. When they spotted the Southwest plane on radar departing the city at a high rate of speed, they went in for a closer look. Only after approaching the cockpit of the plane in their F-16 did the alert Guardsman notice that the pilot, a black male of average size, was a perfect match for the liquor store bandit, also a black male of average size.
“Well first I tried hand signals but that doesn’t always work well in these situations”, said Major Thomas of the Air National Guard. “So I radioed them on the air-to-air channel and ordered them to pull into Albuquerque International for a routine stop. Course they weren’t happy about it – grumbled about the passengers inconvenience and all. But you know what’s more important – getting to the casino on time, or having a pilot that didn’t just hold up a liquor store? That kind of guy could be drunk or high or who knows.”
“After we got him on the ground we had him step out of the cockpit and show us his pilot’s licence and flight manifest. Everything seemed to be in order. We were going to send him back to Lubbock to participate in a lineup just to be sure, but his co-pilot had a receipt for two He-Man burgers and and a side of fried okra from Spanky’s down by the airport. Now maybe you never been to Spanky’s, but there ain’t no way one person can eat two He-Man burgers, so the two of them was probably down there together at the time of the robbery. At that point we allowed the plane and its pilots to continue on to their destination.”
The misidentified pilot, William Gladstone of Dallas, Texas responded to the whole affair with a combination of anger and resignation. “This is ridiculous – it’s the third time I’ve been forced down in the last year. This never happens to our white pilots.” Mr. Gladstone added that “despite the inconvenience I would like to compliment Majors Thomas and Jackson on their professionalism. When I get pulled over in my car for no reason, there’s yelling, handcuffs, beatings, body cavity searches, you name it. These guys were much more cordial. I wish all racial profiling was this professional.”