Picky Bystander implicated in Fake News Scandal
Recent reports following the 2016 election cycle have revealed that the majority of news stories shared on Social Media in general and Facebook in particular were written by unshaven, overweight, hygiene-impaired malcontents living in a fever swamp of their own pitiful misogyny, anger, and despondency.
And Breitbart’s Steve Bannon was not the only journalist implicated. Unfortunately other previously reputable journalistic enterprises have also become entangled in the growing scandal. Our very own Picky Bystander, the newspaper of record for Southeast Takoma Park and unpopulated parts of East Silver Spring, has also been drawn into in the ‘fake-news’ scandal. Although we have always held ourselves to the highest journalistic standards and every story is thoroughly fact checked, vetted, investigated, trotted out, run up the flagpole, looked at askance, and scrutinized with both barrels, a post-mortem of our 2016 election coverage has found small discrepancies.
To settle this issue once and for all the Takoma Picky Bystander formally retracts the following stories:
“Hillary Clinton Selects Louis Vuitton Guillotine for West Wing”
“Trump Rescues 11 Emotional Support Animals from Burning Homeless Shelter”
“Clinton Staff Confirms Anthony Weiner to be Nominated for Secretary of Education”
“Scientists Prove Hand-Size Inversely Proportional to Ability to Make Countries Great”
“Hillary Clinton Lashes out at Toddler in Vodka-Fueled Rage”
”Flummoxed Mexican Firms Unable to Design Ladder Tall Enough to Scale 20 Foot Wall”
”Picky Bystander Promises Never to Take Advantage of Readers’ Trust”